Monday, February 1, 2010
well I don't have much to say today. Just a few more frustrations on the whole goin to the mall thing. I just can't seem to rationalize why it is bothering me so much. It is not like we were best friends or anything. Our kids are friends, or were (not sure where that stands anymore either...), so that is it. IT is just that I enjoy her company. She is a very, very structured person- not given to spur of the moment decisions.. I guess she is the EXACT opposite of me. Maybe that is why I like her so much- and maybe that is why she does not enjoy me that much? IDK. OH well. IT is not like I have not gone for years with out close friends. Don't know. Just trying to figure it all out.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Hate days like today
OK not sure about this whole blog thing. It might make me more depressed then I am already. Or make me cry. These damn hormones are killing my moods. I think it is called pre-menopause. Not sure- but it sucks!
Anyway- am having one of those days where it all feels bad. I feel like I don't have any friends. I feel like I am a bad person for the people around me don't choose to do anything with me. I asked someone to go to the mall with myself and my kid. They told me that they did not have time to go this week, then I see on Facebook where they went to the mall with someone else! What am I supposed to think of that??? IDK.
I could make up excuses in my mind for why they went- after telling me that they did not have time... but who really knows. I would not ask them. I am just gonna pretend that I don't know, and maybe stop trying to be their friend. I guess I really don't need their friendship- if this is how its gonna be. This is not the first time either. I guess I thought that she was my friend, and with out being rude- she is indicating that she is not really. Oh well. I think that is too bad. Does it mean that it is me- or that she is just not worth being my friend? I wish I could just say- whatever- and move on... but it is harder then that. I don't really have any friends- and it is hard.
There are days where I could care less if I have friends, and other days like today that I do care- and it is hard.
I feel like a whiner- but I need somewhre to put my thoughts. My family is great- but it is not the same thing. I can't go to any one and tell them how I feel... what a whiner... my life could be so much worse... but I still feel this way- and wish to express it somewhere.
Anyway- am having one of those days where it all feels bad. I feel like I don't have any friends. I feel like I am a bad person for the people around me don't choose to do anything with me. I asked someone to go to the mall with myself and my kid. They told me that they did not have time to go this week, then I see on Facebook where they went to the mall with someone else! What am I supposed to think of that??? IDK.
I could make up excuses in my mind for why they went- after telling me that they did not have time... but who really knows. I would not ask them. I am just gonna pretend that I don't know, and maybe stop trying to be their friend. I guess I really don't need their friendship- if this is how its gonna be. This is not the first time either. I guess I thought that she was my friend, and with out being rude- she is indicating that she is not really. Oh well. I think that is too bad. Does it mean that it is me- or that she is just not worth being my friend? I wish I could just say- whatever- and move on... but it is harder then that. I don't really have any friends- and it is hard.
There are days where I could care less if I have friends, and other days like today that I do care- and it is hard.
I feel like a whiner- but I need somewhre to put my thoughts. My family is great- but it is not the same thing. I can't go to any one and tell them how I feel... what a whiner... my life could be so much worse... but I still feel this way- and wish to express it somewhere.
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